A Horse Walks into a Bar 
by 

David Grossman, 

 

Jessica Cohen (Translation)

 

A Night At the Opera

Brilliant. David Grossman has created a new stand-up star with the acidic wit of Lenny Bruce and the pitiable cynicism of The Simpsons Krusty the Clown. I have seen performances by Jackie Mason and Rodney Dangerfield with dialogue that didn’t match Grossman’s Dov Greenstein. How many stage shows and clubs must Grossman have attended in order to understand the mysteries of technique, timing, and narrative line that are required to control an audience for hours? And on top of that, turn it into an engaging story? As I said: brilliant.

Here’s the thing ladies and gentlemen: Dov Greenstein doesn’t have a clue who Dov Greenstein is. Are you listening? You think he knows where this stuff comes from? There’s no script. Words just come out from nowhere. OK, maybe not nowhere, but from the past which is the same thing. The words are what the past has done to him and they want everyone to know it. But Dov can’t see what the words look like can he? Are you with me?

But here’s the thing, my trusted friends. Yes, that’s you too, you gorgeous ladies. It’s not just Dov’s past. Dov’s past is… what? Well, let’s say boring, tragic but boring - like Donald Trump or magnolia paint. Like anyone else’s past. Maybe his mother cares about it but not even his uncle Mo wants to know from Dov’s past. So forget about Dov’s past. It’s your past and my past he’s talking about, our memories of blessed memory. Crazy, right? But you’re so awesome. You get it. I know you get it. You’re so awesome.

So, bottom line, you’re not looking at Dov, you’re looking at you through Dov. I know, I know, can’t be true right? Dov knows bupkis about you. But trust me I’m a doctor. There’s a universe somewhere where this makes sense. Go ahead, laugh. But the man’s a psychic genius. Or do I mean psychotic? I’m telling you, this guy can act. And we all like looking into another man’s hell. Long story short: read about this schmekela . You’ll thank me. Are you listening Table #13? Yes, you, the lady with the concrete blue hair. Just checking, darling. I couldn't tell if you were asleep or, God forbid, dead under all that eye make-up. Good night all you wonderful people. You know I love you.